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It's not unusual to experiment with new techniques. I don’t want you to feel ashamed about your sexuality. Just so were clear though, use dirty panties so that they come back clean and you don’t have to go through our rooms."I was shocked. I felt horrible. I looked at Ashley and didnt know what to say. We had never been really close since we had such an age gap. For her to have taken a moment like this and made me feel secure with myself was too much to bear. I couldn't help but make her elaborate on one thing though. "So you don’t care if I use your panties to masturbate?"She sighed "look high school is tough. I’m sure you're really horny and that you can barely make it through the day without running to the bathroom to jack it." Boy did she hit the nail on the head there."I can’t even tell you the things I did in high school to get off. If it helps you get all that out of your system, then sure you can use my panties."I immediately wondered what she meant by what she did in high. The feeling ofhelplessness and vulnerability enhanced the feeling of femininity. Inlater life, I also often pondered whether it was also a means ofreconciling my "perversions" with my "normal" life - that creating thefantasy of being forced to dress like a sexy woman took the choice outof it and made it "acceptable".Nevertheless, I went through this process of regular association ofeuphoric sexual arousal with the wearing of womens' clothes, withvulnerability and with intense shame and embarrassment. Shame andhumiliation and vulnerability became an essential- maybe indispensablepart of the sexual experience.As I grew older I dated and eventually, married, thinking these strangeurges that so filled me with shame would go away once I had a real womanto satisfy my needs.It didn't happen. I began to be more interested in their clothes thanthem. They often thought it a little strange that I wanted to have sexwith them whilst they were nearly fully clothed. I frequently lostinterest in sex.
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